President Whitmore is Unwell

Preview of St Mirren v Hamilton tomorrow

Northern Ireland v Slovenia

The USA played Argentina in New York on Saturday. Tonight, they'll play Paraguay in Nashville. Saturday felt like playing the Rangers at Madison Square Garden. Tonight will feel like playing the Nashville Predators at Bridgestone Arena. I can think of one important match taking place today: Northern Ireland v Slovenia, from Windsor Park, Belfast. What's that? We need pictures representing those two countries? OK!

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Northern Ireland v Slovenia

Windsor Park, Belfast

2.45 pm ET

There we go. Northern Ireland really really might make the Euros. They need to beat Slovenia to keep their chances in good health. Slovenia's a capable side, as we learned during the World Cup, with Bobby Koren being their biggest threat. Also, I bet you didn't know that Ljubljana was such an attractive city. Here's a bit of their national anthem translated to English:

"Let thunder out of heaven; strike down and smite our wanton foe; now once as it had thriven; May our dear realm in freedom grow."

Not bad stuff. The game'll be worth a look if you're stuck at work and need some entertainment to get you over that 5 o'clock line. If you're an intrepid internet user, you'll be able to find a way to watch. It's not on American TV, though. Tomorrow, we'll start looking towards the weekend, including a Bottom-of-the-SPL grudge match.

Home Nations + Ireland Round-Up

We here at Barnes-Leslie just had our final sales meeting of the month. We're close to moving 100 units as a store, which would place us 5th of all GM Dealers in the state of Texas. No small feat for us yahoos out here in West Texas. To the games involving English-speaking nations not called Canada, Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, the United States, or Belize! It's the Home Nations + Ireland round-up!

Wales 0-2 England

God, was this disappointing. It's a matter of record that I didn't think Wales had a chance, but, boy do they have a long way to go in almost every aspect of the game. I don't know if I made it clear enough in my preview, but I do think Wayne Hennessey is a fantastic goalkeeper. Although he still gets his haircuts from his mother, he played as well as you could expect him to. After him, nowhere else on the pitch was there near enough quality to trouble England even once. Wales doesn't just need Gareth Bale to come back, they need about 8 more Gareth Bales who have each individually mastered different skill sets required to be internationally proficient in defense, midfield, and attack. England, on the other hand, beat a poor team 2-0 away. We learned just about nothing, except that Scott Parker probably has a place in the team for the foreseeable future. England will qualify, Wales will not, and the focus in Cardiff returns to the RWC in September.

Brazil 2-0 Scotland

Brazil was the home team, oddly, at the Emirates Stadium. A near sell-out, it had the potential to be an excellent made-for-tv exhibition. In many ways, it was. Scotland had periods of ascendancy booked ended by what we've come to expect from Brazil. Three major points from this game: 1. ESPN's coverage of the game was terrible. Robbie Mustoe and (insert generic announcer with vague Scottish accent) were very clearly in Bristol, CT. Also, we missed the anthems. Always a no-no for an international. It was an afterthought for them after the Wales-England match, and it showed. 2. A member of the Tartan Army allegedly threw a banana at Neymar. If true, that's obviously not cool. But the banana came from the area behind Allan McGregor's goal, populated primarily by Brazilians. That's a bold person who's going to throw a banana as a racial epithet while surrounded by the people he's insulting. I have a hard time believing that this occurred in the way that it was initially reported, and thankfully the SFA are standing up for their supporters. Scottish Domestic soccer has always been populated by some of the nastier elements of society, but the Tartan Army have always been commended for their impeccable behavior abroad. 3. Neymar's really good. Like, super duper good. And he's only 19. Scotland was shown that their mission remains simply to qualify for a major tournament, not compete once they get there.

Serbia 2-1 Northern Ireland

Oh, how Northern Ireland might rue the last two results in their qualifying campaign. The followed up a draw against the Faroe Islands (by the way, check out the Faroes' home stadium. It's stunning) with a come-from-ahead loss to Serbia in front of a rollicking 200 traveling supporters and approximately 0 home fans. The match was played in Belgrade in front of zero fans after the trouble in October in which the Serbia v Italy match was called due to riots, my second favorite reason for a match being called. The first is inclement weather. I love calling anything off due to inclement weather. It's my go-to reason for getting out of work, dental appointments, social engagements that won't have a television, etc. Serbia was the better team on the night. It's difficult to avoid thinking that if Northern Ireland could've beaten the Faroes, and held on against Serbia, they'd be solidly in a playoff spot with a game in hand. They're still in a good position, but they've let some sterling silver chances slip recently.

Republic of Ireland 2-1 Macedonia

The new Aviva Stadium is beautiful. Lansdowne Road was going to be difficult to replace, but I think they've managed it. Important win for Ireland, they're now on top of their group, and look best positioned among all the other English speaking nations to qualify for Euro 2012. I didn't get a chance to watch this game, as I was, you know, working. Apparently, Robbie Keane scored on a terrible error for the Macedonian goalkeeper. I feel like it's a rule that you must make a joke about Alexander the Great when mentioning Macedonia, but not here. That would be a disappointing and warmed-over as one of Mike Ilitch's Little Caesar's Hot-n-Ready Pizzas!

PS: Mike Ilitch is Macedonian.

PPS: It's only five dollars for a large Hot-n-Ready! Not a bad deal for an average pizza!

USA vs. Argentina Preview

The USA faces a stern test on Saturday night as they face off against a strong Argentinian side. Don’t let the fact that it is a friendly fool you, this is a very important match. With the Gold Cup quickly approaching this summer the USA men’s squad needs to build some chemistry and fully try out Bob Bradley’s new 4-3-2-1 formation. Unfortunately late injury problems have caused three players to withdraw. Hannover 96 Captain Steve Cherundolo has pulled out nursing a groin injury. He is a key man in the back four and would have been handy looking at the prolific strike force of the Argentinians. Zack Whitbread has also had to withdraw with a back injury. However the most disappointing is the injury to Stuart Holden. Holden has enjoyed a dream season with Bolton, he has proved that he is one of the best central midfielders in the English Premier League. Most of you have seen the horrific challenge from Johnny Evans that caused a deep gash that required 26 stiches and caused ligament damage. This injury comes just over a year after a tackle from the notorious hack job Nigel DeJong broke Holden’s leg. This is terrible luck for Holden and we wish him the best. His injury brings a big change in the midfield. I consider Holden our best midfielder, and was looking forward to seeing him play at the top on the midfield diamond. This brings somewhat of a tough decision for Bob Bradley. Does he play Edu and Jones as the holding midfielders and put Bradley at the attacking midfield spot? That seems to be the most logical, and I think it would be an understatement to say that Bob Bradley can be illogical.

Questions still remain in the back four as well, especially with the absence of Cherundolo. Eric Lichaj can fill in the right back spot for Cherundolo and has been on good form for Leeds United in the English Championship. Another problem is the left back position. It will be interesting to see who starts, Jonathan Bornstein seems to be the first choice considering Bocanegra lacks the speed to play on the left especially against Argentina. Jonathan Spector is listed as a defender so perhaps he might get a spell at left back. Although since his move to the midfield for West Ham he has played a lot better (his nickname at West Ham was spectator Spector, for his sometime abysmal defensive performances). Left midfield suits him a lot better and he has shown that he can compete at that position in the Premier League.

Our biggest problem is our forward pool. The USA has struggled to find a forward that can produce goals. Bob Bradley has a seemingly strange love affair with Jozy Altidore. Since his move to Villareal in 2008 he has moved around between four different clubs and has only made 37 appearances. Even though that is less games than any other USA regular he will nearly undoubtedly start. Jozy needs to find regular club football before he can play regularly for the USA.

Enough of lineups let’s get down to tactics. With the Argentinians most likely playing with a 4-3-3 it will be important for the USA to control the midfield. They can do this by spreading the midfield 3 of Mascherano, Cambiasso, and Banega both vertically and horizontally. If we are too compact when in possession then we will make it easy for them. Communication between our back four and midfield needs to be very strong. We all know Messi loves to float in the gap between the back line and the midfielders so making sure he is picked up is important. Argentina does not pose a large threat in the air so giving the wingers the outside is a good idea. Letting the wingers cut inside to link with Messi and the midfielders will be fatal. They way to beat the 4-3-3 is to isolate the wingers and stretch the midfield 3. Hopefully (and I mean hopefully) Bradley will get his tactics right. It should turn out to be an interesting match and a fun Saturday night. USA! USA! USA!

Wales v England

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11am ET, Millennium Stadium, Cardiff

Wales and England. Two ancient neighbors squaring off in one of the grandest venues in the country. A match between two sides of such differing historical magnitude shouldn't really draw our interest. But there's real hate involved here. Phil Bennett, the Welsh rugby captain said the following before a 1977 match against the English:

"Look what these bastards have done to Wales. They've taken our coal, our water, our steel. They buy our homes and live in them for a fortnight every year. What have they given us? Absolutely nothing. We've been exploited, raped, controlled and punished by the English — and that's who you are playing this afternoon."

Oh. That's the goosebumpy stuff. That's what the Welsh side and their inattentive fans will need to get them going in advance of Saturday's brwydr (Welsh is a silly language - that word means 'battle.' When you press the 'listen' button on Google Translate, it sounds like a Nazi inquiring as to the location of your papers, only less angry and anti-semetic). If only there was an internationally-renowned superstar on the Welsh team of today to issue such a rallying cry. Something that'll take the nation's mind off the Rugby team's capitulation last week in Paris and focus it solely on something they can all get behind, beating the hell out of the English.

What's that?

Such a superstar exists?

Why yes, friends, one does exist! Gareth Bale, World's Fastest White Person (could be true, although Christopher Lemaitre* might disagree), was plopped in front of the media and uttered words of such emotion, the entire nation was brought to its feet and let forth a mighty bellow that was heard from the bottom of the deepest coal mine to the summit of Snowdon:

"We're quietly confident in the camp that we've got enough to pull off an upset."

Sadly, as much as we'd have liked to have heard a blood-and-thunder call to arms, that's probably all the man could've said without sounding delusional. This is not a Wales side in the midst of a great run of form. Since 2009, their only wins have come against Estonia, Liechtenstein, Luxembourg, Azerbaijan, and a 3-0 pasting of Scotland that finally put George Burley out of his misery. They haven't gotten a point from a respectable side in a competitive match since they drew 0-0 against Germany in November 2007. And against England, it's not a very successful all-time record. As little as 'All-time record' matters in a one game scenario, it's still a staggering number: only 14 wins out of 99 tries against England for the Welsh.

Apparently, it's the first sellout in Cardiff for the national team in six years. Soccer's always been, and likely always will be second fiddle to Rugby Union in these parts, but that doesn't mean that there can't be a place for football. It's looking increasingly likely that either Swansea or Cardiff (both?) will take part in the Premier League next year. That'll help things significantly in terms of hometown talent development. The Millenium Stadium is a big venue to fill, but if there's a competitive national team playing there that at least threatens to make major tournaments, it'll get filled, it'll get loud, and (apologies for the enormously annoying and overused cliche) it can become a fortress. "Delilah" is a hell of a song. Yeah, its about a guy killing his cheating ex, but if the soccer folks can sing it half as out of tune and passionately as the rugby patrons, Cardiff'll be a tough place to go and win.

For years, the Welsh team has been two or three world-class players, then a big pile of players who have no business in major international tournaments, and that's the case again this year. Bellamy, Bale, and Hennessey are fantastic players, and after that there's a rusty Aaron Ramsey, a suprising Joe Ledley and then, a bunch of players who wouldn't sniff the Scotland starting line-up, much less the English. Since Bale and Bellamy will not be appearing in this film, the task becomes even more difficult

So, can Wales win? Even with the hullabaloo around John Terry being re-named Captain, and Fabio Capello's increasingly hot seat, I don't see it. Neither does Ladbrokes who see the following: Home Win 7/1, Draw 7/2 Away Win 2/5. I'm tempted by the draw if you bet it alone, but there's not much value to be found in this match, unless you're boosting a parlay with the 2/5. I'd stay well away from this match with your hard-earned money. It can be exchanged for goods and services, after all!

*He was the first white guy to run the 100m under 10 seconds, 43 years after Jim Hines first did it. God, we suck.


UPDATE: Apparently, Bellamy WILL play against England...

Good Morning

Who are you?

I'm Thomas Whitmore, humble car salesman for Barnes-Leslie Chevy-Buick-GMC here in Lubbock, TX. I work in the used car department. We've just had a meeting detailing the benefits our business will feel thanks to the disruption in the new car supply chain due to the Japanese Earthquake/Tsunami. I work in a reputable business. Try the new Volt!

Wow. That sounds slightly unethical. Do you rejoice in the sorrow of others often?

Funny you should say that, because I do! The multiple opportunities to do just that is what draws me to soccer. No sport can sucker punch you quite like it. Take the Rangers-Sporting Lisbon tie in the Europa League earli-

Wait. Why would you use that match as an example? Those teams kind of suck and no one likes that competition anyway.

I know, I know. I went to school in Scotland, so I pull for Scots on tour, even if I can't stand them domestically. But back to that Rangers-Sporting set-up. After they had tied 1-1 in Glasgow, they go down to Lisbon. Sporting lead 2-1 in stoppage time. The Portuguese have dollar signs in their eyes as they dream of a long European run, they've probably already started visiting Orbitz (or whatever the Portuguese equivalent is) to check hotels in Amsterdam, then they realize they can't afford the Orbitz prices on the hotels and go to Priceline-

Why would they go to Priceline?!? That's a terrible service! They might be looking for a hotel in Amsterdam and end up staying in Denmark! Who cares if it's cheaper? It's terrifying planning a trip when you have no idea where you're staying.

Did you have a rough time booking through Priceline?

Yes. Naples is NOT Miami Beach, despite what Priceline will have you think.

I'm sorry. Anyway, as the Portuguese are busy planning their trip, Maurice Edu shows up and punts half of Lisbon in the groin. ITV gets the opportunity to show a bunch of sad Portuguese faces. And not much makes me happier than seeing sad Portuguese faces.

That sounds a bit racist.

Oh, I'm non-discriminatory when it comes to who I like seeing upset. It was thrilling seeing a continent crushed by Luis Suarez last summer in the World Cup.

Oh, come on, Thomas, who didn't want to see an African team in the World Cup semi-finals?

ME! THAT'S WHO! ANYONE WHO WAS SICK OF JEREMY SCHAAP (eeeeeeeeee s p nnnnnnnn) DOING ABOUT 2,300 PUFF PIECES ON WHAT IT WOULD MEAN FOR THE CONTINENT! WHO WASN'T TIRED OF THAT SHIT? AND BESIDES, THEY BEAT AMERICA, THOSE UNGRATEFUL FUCKS! AFTER ALL WE'VE DONE FOR GHANA, THEY HAVE THE TEMERITY-

We don't give them that much aid. Besides, it was a nice story. It sounds like you're a horribly bitter person.

Probably.

So, from your story earlier, can I assume that you like Rangers?

NO! I don't. At all. Sure I'll back them in European competition, but I don't have any affinity for either half of the Old Firm.

Who is your favorite team then?

St Mirren.

...

...

Why?

I don't really have a good answer for that. I mean, I had a friend who was from Paisley. He took me to my first game, and that was my team.

No one cares about Scottish Soccer. It's dull and boring and it's always really muddy and the players are shitty and even Rangers and Celtic would probably finish 12th in the Championship. St Mirren would probably struggle to stay in League Two. I hope this blog won't be about Scottish Soccer. I hate Scottish Soccer.

It won't entirely be about the SPL. It won't even mostly be about the SPL. I mean I might post occasionally about it, but it's certainly not the focus.

Don't even try to convince to care about St Mirren.

Geez, I won't! Getting a bit touchy, aren't we?

If the SPL isn't going to be the focus, what is the point of this?

As far as I'm concerned, I got tired of soccer coverage that couldn't talk about the game without breaking into poesy. Nothing annoys me more than hearing someone refer to the 'beautiful game.' Any time I hear someone say that, the rage I feel can't be calculated without the use of instruments that are yet to be invented.

Why?

I can't explain it. It's just such a dumb nickname. Baseball has 'Our National Pastime.' Football has 'Gridiron.' Basketball is 'Hoops-'

Hoops? Really?

Yeah. Shoot some hoops?

Not with you.

Fair enough. My point is none of those even approach the pretentiousness required to use 'the beautiful game.' It smacks of some suave Spaniard telling me that his paella is better than my TGI Friday's Sesame Jack Chicken Strips, you uncultured American.

His paella probably is better than your appetizer.

That's not the point. We love baseball, basketball, football, golf, tennis, and even ice hockey. Rugby Union and cricket are cool too. And we'll probably post on those sports from time to time. We really like soccer, and we want other people to like soccer, but never under the pretense that it is by its nature better. We're starting this blog to try and approach soccer without writing obnoxious odes to its superiority.

Will you be writing odes to TGI Friday's?

Maybe.

Do you like any teams in leagues that I care about?

Do you like the English Premiership?

Oh, yes I do.

Me too. My favorite team is Manchester City.

Jesus Christ on a trampoline, you're one of them!

No! I swear! I was with them before the Arabs or the crazy Asian Dictator!

Doubt it.

Fine. Don't believe me.

I don't.

Listen, we're not going to agree on much. But you can always e-mail me at TWhitmoreRFS@gmail.com and tell me exactly how you feel. Or comment below.

No one's going to e-mail you, or comment. No one knows this blog exists. You have no internet friends.

That's true.

I don't like you, Thomas. You're bitter, you like Scottish Soccer (which no one likes), and you're a car salesman. I don't think I'll ever visit this online establishment again.

Fine. Maybe you'll like my colleague. He'll be along soon.